Another Jessica Alba Classic

So . . . what, she sees living people? Yawn.

The Greatest Thing in the History of the Internet

I have been loving this clip so hard for the past two days. If only I knew a way to make this my ringtone . . .

God Hates Douchebags . . . I'm Guessing

I, like most people, was shocked to hear the news yesterday that Heath Ledger had passed.

But I was apparently wrong to assume that it would be the most shocking news I'd come across within the 48-hour period.

Westboro Baptist church (the "God Hates Fags" people, and possibly the most obvious douchebags in the country) is at it again, spreading their message of religion and faith but defiling the sanctity of yet another funeral.

You can read the press release here, if you're so inclined; I am too through with these asshats.

America's Next Top BET Correspondent

So the last season of Top Model ended last month. And the new season begins . . . next month.

Wait, what?

Look, I understand the show doesn't have the greatest track record for turning out actual "top models"; but damn, give them longer than 3 weeks to get a career off the ground, would ya?

Give These Guys an Emmy

(language kinda NSFW)

This is one of the most accurate portrayals of douchebaggery I've ever seen. Extra points for the secret agent-style cell phone move.

Octogenarian Douchebag

Oh, Sly . . . seriously:


A) We don't need another sequel [to the tune of that Tina Turner/Beyond Thunderdome song].

B) Some pithy statement about hyperviolent state of cinema during the reigns of both Bush's.

C) The midlife crisis thing has been done, but---

D) There's absolutely no reason to film it (TWICE) and project it onto giant screens in theaters around the world.

NEW MISSY

Ching-a-ling by Missy Elliott
(and the remix ft. Jay-Z)

Like Karen O said, "When Missy's got a song on the radio, it's always the best song on the radio." And since I have absolutely no shit to talk about Misdemeanor, I'm just gonna fall back and let you enjoy the new track.

Apparently it's going to be on the soundtrack to Step Up 2, which they were filming at MICA about two months before I quit my job there. And while I have a deep and abiding love for Missy, the chances of my seeing that movie are about none. I'm still mad about the damn camera crew taking up all the good parking spaces for about 6 weeks.

Seriously, Pay the Damn Writers

I'm glad the media hawks over at the Best Week Ever blog got some video of this. I tuned in for about 20 minutes of the People's Choice Awards the other night and had to change the channel from the sheer awkwardness of it all. With the writers on strike, awards shows have apparently been reduced to clip shows of previous years' ceremonies. And poor loveable Queen Latifah looks like she got stood up for the prom.

But as they pointed out on BWE, apparently having to host an audience-less awards ceremony is the Hollywood equivalent of solitary confinement, 'cause Queen is clearly losing it.

Here's MY "Feedback"

You're taking the idea of cum-juggling a bit literally, aren't you, Janet?

Obvious Douchebag Sighting

My girl Emily sent me a note yesterday:

"hey, I'm watching the new American Gladiator and I found the epitome of Obvious Douchebag. check out 'Titan.'"


Now, I didn't tune in for the reincarnated fuckery that is the new American Gladiator, but upon visiting the website it seems to be a veritable douchebag parade.

I liked the show just fine when it was the early 90s and I was 6, but some things have to go with age. Watching a bunch of 'roid-heads in shiny spandex take on Timmy the Temp from two cubicles over is one of those things.

Oh, and Hogan, you're doing too much. Settle.

But I must say, I like the idea of people sending me douchebag alerts. 'Cause God knows there are too many out there for me to catch them all. Douchebags are like Pokemon in that way.

And I'm through.

Because Sexism Is Obviously Douchey

"So why is the sex barrier not taken as seriously as the racial one? The reasons are as pervasive as the air we breathe: because sexism is still confused with nature as racism once was; because anything that affects males is seen as more serious than anything that affects “only” the female half of the human race; because children are still raised mostly by women (to put it mildly) so men especially tend to feel they are regressing to childhood when dealing with a powerful woman; because racism stereotyped black men as more “masculine” for so long that some white men find their presence to be masculinity-affirming (as long as there aren’t too many of them); and because there is still no “right” way to be a woman in public power without being considered a you-know-what."


If I can get all sociological on you for a minute, the above is a excerpt from a New York Times article my friend posted on Facebook. You can read the rest of it right here.

What Happened Was---

This was posted on my personal favorite blog, Crunk and Disorderly, yesterday and it's been killing me softly ever since. I hate these commercials anyway.



(Language is NSFW, but hillarious.)

Before You Go See This Movie, Wait . . .

. . . kill yourself first.

I was gonna write about how the commercials for this movie make it look like a Sci-Fi Channel Original (read: garbage). But upon checking the IMDB listing, I discovered Uwe Boll is the director, so you already know. Fair warning: reading his filmography might give you crabs.

And don't think I don't see you, Ray Liotta.

The First Logical Act of 2008

According to Billboard.com, the law firm representing Britney Spears in her custody case against Kevin Federline told a Los Angeles court yesterday, "We quit this bitch."

I'm paraphrasing.

What makes me happy is how in the Billboard article, the only words quoted from the lawyers are "breakdown" and "impossible" -- which I like to think means the full quote was something like "This nutbag had a mental breakdown in public for an entire year, so we decided this case is gonna be pretty much impossible to win. Check please."

Careful, Queen

Another heist movie? I'm just saying, they've locked black people up for less. Tread lightly, Miss Owens.