Douche Your Motherdouching MySpace!

This may be my new favorite song...



...or the worst thing I've ever heard. I can't decide.

Douchebags for Marriage

The only storm that's gathering is the HUGE cloud of Massengil this ad is generating...

Obvious Douchebag Alert: Jesusophile

Speaking of vaginas...



There are only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch. But it's good to know America doesn't have the monopoly on inarticulate, misogynistic fundies, yeah? Progress!

Here's to you, Jesusophile: I can't remember the last time I found any one thing SO offensive. I was going to pull out some choice quotes, but really the entire thing is a master class in Advanced Jackassness. If your jaw hasn't dropped by the 0:50 mark, the love of God is not in you.

Douche in Advertising

Take your broke ass to the jewelry store, buy some pearls, and get ready to clutch them...



I saw this for the first time yesterday at a friend's house and it almost got by me. Aren't there censors for this sort of thing?! Though it is, admittedly, a step up from this gem...

Well, if Google AdSense didn't think this was a feminine hygiene blog before, it certainly will now.

Obvious Douchebag Alert: Tammy Bruce

This anonymous bitch right here...



Funny she's SO confounded by the idea of "talking like a white person," but she can pick up on a "black" accent like that... Heifer, please!

Thanks (and I use the term loosely) to Raina for sending this our way. We consider Tammy Bruce's level of douchebaggery to be severe and highly contagious. Prolonged exposure could lead poorly feigned indignation and delusions of relevance. ("David After Dentist"? Really?)

Douchebags on Ice

Barack Obama does not care about Tanya Harding...



...and who the fuck does?

This video is a whole bunch of "wtf?" wrapped up in some "bitch, please!" with a side of "oh, word?" But it does give me an excuse to throw this up:

Douchebags Having Douchebags

Teen pregnancy must be a stressful and somewhat sad situation, I'm sure...



But if you like it, then you should've put a rubber on it. Next!

Douche on a Plane

Your auntie missed her flight and the results were LEGENDARY...



I *adore* this woman. I had a similar moment last Friday at Wendy's when the cashier told me they were out of Flavor-Dipped Barbeque Chicken Sandwiches. True story.

Yes We Douche!

It was announced today that the female version of a hustla' of a of a hustla' will be singing for the Obama's first inaugural dance. The question now is what song will she perform.

Anyone with even a passing knowledge of the great American songbook knows there's only one clear choice...



The mental image you now have of Barack and Michelle patting their weaves and snapping for the kids... you're welcome.

Crush on Douche

In case you've ever wondered if Lil' Kim would make a good junior high guidance counselor, skip ahead to 2:26...

Montre-Toi, Douchebag!

My friends, I am obsessed with this ad...



I would've been about 5 years old when this aired, and I guess Chanel thought they were too good to advertise during Inspector Gadget. Whatever.

I laughed my ass off when Margaret Cho made reference to it back in the day, but I never looked it up. I guess I'm making up for lost time, though--- as it's only 34-seconds long, saying I've watched it 30 times today might be an underestimate.

There's something about it that makes me think of Schoenberg's Pierrot Lunaire and the 3rd movement of Crumb's Ancient Voices of Children (as does the 4th movement of Nico Muhly's "Mothertongue," which I recently bought), two of my favorite compositions... I was a music major, bear with me.

Now I know I'm a sworn Gaultier guy, but this commercial has quickly become one of my favorite works of art. Which, I realize, is strange for a commercial, but what are you going to do?

And the personal irony of it all, Égoïste the fragrance was the inspiration for one of my songs, "Humbert." If only I'd thought to include screaming French women during the bridge. Oh well, live and learn.

Seasons Douchings!

I'm about an hour from leaving for the airport. Christmas will be spent with the family and the GA friends. But as my parents are Betty and Barney Rubble, I will be without internets until Sunday. So in my absence, I've harnessed the power of YouTube to pass on some of my favorite Winter-time tunes.

Enjoy your holiday, and try not to be that drunk douchebag under the mistletoe at the party. You know who you are...

Lord, Send a Revival!

If you combined the sights of the church I grew up in with the sounds that were going on in my head during most services, the result would be a little something like this...

Paul Blart: Douche Cop

This is the featured clip on YouTube today:



Just when you start to think "The only way this could possibly be worse is if 'Living on a Prayer' kicked in right about now"...

Douche Me Baby One More Time

I'll say this, his mother was much more supportive than I could've been. If my child ever got that much water on my bathroom floor, I would back-slap the rotten brat till my hand got tired...




And the choreography was whack anyway. Step your game up, little dude.

I've Seen This Before...

Is it me, or does this...




...take place in the same weird futurecitynetherworld as this?





(And, now that I think about it, this?)


En Vogue - too gone too long



It's the music video equivalent of the Taco Bell font, I guess.

Live from New York...

If you were as worried as I was that SNL would start sucking again now that Sarah Palin has been exiled returned home to Alaska, rest easy and breathe deep; everyone's favorite weekend sketch show crushed the competition. Literally.



That impression devastates me every time I watch it (and I've been watching it all day...yes, I have a job). The sound effect at the 0:53 mark--- priceless.

And then, in what I took as 3 giant snaps in a circular motion to the kids on YouTube, Paul Rudd, surprise guest Justin Timberlake, and Beyahweh herself spoofed the "Single Ladies" video to perfection...



"Dance biscuits" sent my soul to the Upper Room. I'm sure I'll see you there.


All gifts from Virgo aside, was this not the GAYEST episode in SNL history? There were no less than 5 sketches that involved dude-on-dude lovin' (and that's not even counting "the dancers" above). I guess we can chalk it up to Prop 8 one way or the other; some people thought the show was trying to parody the homo-panic that helped the proposition pass. But not everyone was feeling it.

I say as long as I laugh...but who the fuck am I? What's your take on the matter?

The No-Douche Zone

I'm not going to make any snarky comments about this. If you've got the time, please give it a view.



(If you really need a laugh, though, check this out. I'm always looking out for you. Fair warning: the third pic left me for dead...)

He Could Teach You, But He'd Have to Charge

Just like I love a woman who can help me put together my furniture, few things make me happier than a dude who will dip it, pop it, twerk it, stop it for all of YouTube to see.



That ghostly chill you just felt was his killing you hoes.

Whenever I Blog Real Good...

Creole!



Can I just go ahead and pre-order the album? This song is so absurd I can hardly believe it even exists. "Mix it all together, it's a delicacy" ...I almost fell out of my damn chair.

Of course, if it doesn't end up making the final tracklist, all bets are off.