Take your broke ass to the jewelry store, buy some pearls, and get ready to clutch them...
I saw this for the first time yesterday at a friend's house and it almost got by me. Aren't there censors for this sort of thing?! Though it is, admittedly, a step up from this gem...
Well, if Google AdSense didn't think this was a feminine hygiene blog before, it certainly will now.
Showing posts with label Has It Really Come to This?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Has It Really Come to This?. Show all posts
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Smoking Douchies
I once called someone "triflin'" and they didn't know what I meant...
Raina, I should sue you for bringing this into my life. I'm pressin' charges!
It's all cute and funny now, but I promise you he'll be back on YouTube in 5 years teaching you how to smoke crack out of a coke can. What then, people, what then?
Raina, I should sue you for bringing this into my life. I'm pressin' charges!
It's all cute and funny now, but I promise you he'll be back on YouTube in 5 years teaching you how to smoke crack out of a coke can. What then, people, what then?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Obvious Douchebag Alert: Code OMFG!!!
You already know...
In case you missed it, Chris Brown was charged with 2 felonies related to Rihanna's assault on Grammy night.
According to L.A. Police Detective DeShon Andrews statement:
And that was just the warm-up... I'm a bit squeamish, so if you want to read the rest, you'll need to click here.
Everybody and their mother's auntie's neighbor has been screaming their opinion on this mess the past few weeks. But seeing as Mr. Lovey Dovey Kiss Kiss hasn't ponied up any bruises and bite marks of his own, I think they need to put that little bastard in jail, end of.
But like they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining. And I think the one good thing to come out of all this mess is the fact that I no longer think Chris Brown and Ne-Yo are the same person.
In case you missed it, Chris Brown was charged with 2 felonies related to Rihanna's assault on Grammy night.
According to L.A. Police Detective DeShon Andrews statement:
A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F. with his right hand, opened the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F. out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against he passenger window of the vehicle, causing an approximate one-inch raised circular contusion.
And that was just the warm-up... I'm a bit squeamish, so if you want to read the rest, you'll need to click here.
Everybody and their mother's auntie's neighbor has been screaming their opinion on this mess the past few weeks. But seeing as Mr. Lovey Dovey Kiss Kiss hasn't ponied up any bruises and bite marks of his own, I think they need to put that little bastard in jail, end of.
But like they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining. And I think the one good thing to come out of all this mess is the fact that I no longer think Chris Brown and Ne-Yo are the same person.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Douche It on the Alcohol
I've always been a big fan of music videos, which is why the events of the past two days are hurting my heart...
The video for Jamie Foxx's new (and terrible) single "Blame It on the Alcohol" features Jake Gyllenhaal and Ron Howard... because that makes sense. The first person to Crank Dat Brokeback and/or Opie on YouTube is my new best friend. Get on it!
The video for Jamie Foxx's new (and terrible) single "Blame It on the Alcohol" features Jake Gyllenhaal and Ron Howard... because that makes sense. The first person to Crank Dat Brokeback and/or Opie on YouTube is my new best friend. Get on it!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
We Gettin' Douchebag Money
You can correct the pronunciation all you want, Busta, it will always be "A-rab" Money to me. Know this.
So, where'd all the money go? Obviously not this video. I still love him, though.
So, where'd all the money go? Obviously not this video. I still love him, though.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
OshKosh B'Douche
First Tobey Keith, now this douchebag?
That's right, K-Fed announced his line of children's clothes today. According to the press release:
*blink blink*
This is not relateable, Kevin. You're buying True Religions for children, why? What's the concept? And how many pairs of $200 jeans did the little brats have to ruin before you realized there's a place called Wal-Mart? Get your dumb ass outta here...
That's right, K-Fed announced his line of children's clothes today. According to the press release:
“It’s a really tough business, I’m trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kids but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans... You buy your kids a pair of True Religions then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I’m looking to do something much more reasonable.”
*blink blink*
This is not relateable, Kevin. You're buying True Religions for children, why? What's the concept? And how many pairs of $200 jeans did the little brats have to ruin before you realized there's a place called Wal-Mart? Get your dumb ass outta here...
Monday, February 23, 2009
Follow Up: Tyler Perry Presents Tyler Perry's Madea in Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail Douches to #1. Tyler Perry.
Weekend Top 10
1. Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (Lionsgate) OPENER $41.1M Wkd [2,032 Theaters]
2. Taken (20th Century Fox) $11.4M Wkd [3,102], Cume $95.1M
3. Coraline 3-D (Focus Features) $11M Wkd [2,155], Cume $53.3M
4. He's Just Not That Into You (NL/Warner Bros) $8.5M Wkd [3,050], Cume $70M
5. Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight) $8M Wkd [2,244], Cume $98M
6. Friday The 13th (NL/Warner Bros) $7.8M (-81%) Wkd [3,105], Cume $55M
7. Confessions Of A Shopaholic (Disney) $7M Wkd (-53%) [2,507], Cume $27.6M
8. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Columbia/Sony) $7M Wkd [2,835], Cume $121.3M
9. Fired Up (Screen Gems/Sony) OPENER $6M Wkd [1,810]
10. The International (Sony) $4.4M (-52%) Wkd [2,364], Cume $17M
In related news, the previously mentioned "Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry's Madea in Tyler Perry's Madea Takes a Shit" has been fast-tracked. Tyler Perry.
1. Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (Lionsgate) OPENER $41.1M Wkd [2,032 Theaters]
2. Taken (20th Century Fox) $11.4M Wkd [3,102], Cume $95.1M
3. Coraline 3-D (Focus Features) $11M Wkd [2,155], Cume $53.3M
4. He's Just Not That Into You (NL/Warner Bros) $8.5M Wkd [3,050], Cume $70M
5. Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight) $8M Wkd [2,244], Cume $98M
6. Friday The 13th (NL/Warner Bros) $7.8M (-81%) Wkd [3,105], Cume $55M
7. Confessions Of A Shopaholic (Disney) $7M Wkd (-53%) [2,507], Cume $27.6M
8. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Columbia/Sony) $7M Wkd [2,835], Cume $121.3M
9. Fired Up (Screen Gems/Sony) OPENER $6M Wkd [1,810]
10. The International (Sony) $4.4M (-52%) Wkd [2,364], Cume $17M
In related news, the previously mentioned "Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry's Madea in Tyler Perry's Madea Takes a Shit" has been fast-tracked. Tyler Perry.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Douchebag's Guide to Style
All your dreams have come true: Toby Keith has a clothing line!
Seriously, who co-signed this shit? I know the fashion industry is struggling in "these uncertain times," but damn.
If you're a gay man with a thing for rednecks (or Bret Michaels), though, today's your lucky day. But I suggest you neither ask nor tell 'cause your ass might get lynched.
Seriously, who co-signed this shit? I know the fashion industry is struggling in "these uncertain times," but damn.
If you're a gay man with a thing for rednecks (or Bret Michaels), though, today's your lucky day. But I suggest you neither ask nor tell 'cause your ass might get lynched.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Douche the Stanky Legg
Here's my story; it's sad but true...
I was Facebook stalking (don't hate, you do it too) a friend of mine about two months ago, and someone had posted the above tragedy on his wall. As it was November and the video was originally posted in April, I did a little "waaah waaah" for Them G-Spot Boyz -- girls, if you let these stanky douchebags anywhere near your g-spot, that's on you -- and went about my merry way.
So, imagine my surprise when I saw the video getting press over at C&D a couple of weeks ago. Ô rage! Ô désespoir!
Well, apparently that extra three seconds of fame was enough for these Lords of the Dance to re-shoot the video with mind-blowing special effects in exotic locales (read: they bought a smoke machine and bribed a high school principal with a case of St. Ides so they could film in the gym). If you enjoy your hot mess microwaved a day later, then this should be right up your stank-ass alley:
I know my expectations should be well lower, but "That YOUR Hot" @ 1:56... if I wasn't saved, I'd cuss these bastards out in the YouTube comments.
I was Facebook stalking (don't hate, you do it too) a friend of mine about two months ago, and someone had posted the above tragedy on his wall. As it was November and the video was originally posted in April, I did a little "waaah waaah" for Them G-Spot Boyz -- girls, if you let these stanky douchebags anywhere near your g-spot, that's on you -- and went about my merry way.
So, imagine my surprise when I saw the video getting press over at C&D a couple of weeks ago. Ô rage! Ô désespoir!
Well, apparently that extra three seconds of fame was enough for these Lords of the Dance to re-shoot the video with mind-blowing special effects in exotic locales (read: they bought a smoke machine and bribed a high school principal with a case of St. Ides so they could film in the gym). If you enjoy your hot mess microwaved a day later, then this should be right up your stank-ass alley:
I know my expectations should be well lower, but "That YOUR Hot" @ 1:56... if I wasn't saved, I'd cuss these bastards out in the YouTube comments.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Crush on Douche
In case you've ever wondered if Lil' Kim would make a good junior high guidance counselor, skip ahead to 2:26...
Friday, January 9, 2009
Slightly Less-Obvious Douchebag
So, I just read an article about pantyhose for men...
Now, I'm not calling out the men who purchased such a thing as obvious douchebags. What you wear under your clothes is of no concern to me, do you.
And by that same token (no Theesfeld), I'm not calling out their freaked-out wives either 'cause I understand they may not feel the same as I do... but if they don't like it, then they shouldn't have put a ring on it; I'm just sayin'.
No, friends, the true douchebags are the horrible people who coined the terms "mantyhose" and "mirdle." It was probably hard enough for these guys to overcome the stigma of wearing a bodyshaper; can we at least give them some dignity in the terminology? Damn.
Now, I'm not calling out the men who purchased such a thing as obvious douchebags. What you wear under your clothes is of no concern to me, do you.
And by that same token (no Theesfeld), I'm not calling out their freaked-out wives either 'cause I understand they may not feel the same as I do... but if they don't like it, then they shouldn't have put a ring on it; I'm just sayin'.
No, friends, the true douchebags are the horrible people who coined the terms "mantyhose" and "mirdle." It was probably hard enough for these guys to overcome the stigma of wearing a bodyshaper; can we at least give them some dignity in the terminology? Damn.
Monday, January 5, 2009
God Douche the U.S.A.
I don't care who's singing it...
God Bless the U.S.A. (Proud to Be an American) - Beyoncé
I hate this fucking song.
God Bless the U.S.A. (Proud to Be an American) - Beyoncé
I hate this fucking song.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Diva Is the Female Version of a Douchebag
I can't let this go by without comment...
Diva (Beyoncé Cover) - Ciara
I had such high hopes for Ciara after "Promise" but those high notes... darling, just sit down.
And I see we're just pretending "Go, Girl" didn't happen. I understand.
Diva (Beyoncé Cover) - Ciara
I had such high hopes for Ciara after "Promise" but those high notes... darling, just sit down.
And I see we're just pretending "Go, Girl" didn't happen. I understand.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Paul Blart: Douche Cop
This is the featured clip on YouTube today:
Just when you start to think "The only way this could possibly be worse is if 'Living on a Prayer' kicked in right about now"...
Just when you start to think "The only way this could possibly be worse is if 'Living on a Prayer' kicked in right about now"...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
We Need to Talk...
Tina, now you know I've always loved you, and I always will.
But...
...you are doing absolutely too damn much.
But...
...you are doing absolutely too damn much.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The Dynamic Douchebag Duo
I was driving up to get my oil changed yesterday when the announcer on the radio said, "Soulja Boy featuring Bow Wow: 'Marco Polo.'"
To which I replied (because I talk to myself in the car), "No part of that sounds appealing..."
...and no part of it is.
To which I replied (because I talk to myself in the car), "No part of that sounds appealing..."
...and no part of it is.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Whenever I Blog Real Good...
Creole!
Can I just go ahead and pre-order the album? This song is so absurd I can hardly believe it even exists. "Mix it all together, it's a delicacy" ...I almost fell out of my damn chair.
Of course, if it doesn't end up making the final tracklist, all bets are off.
Can I just go ahead and pre-order the album? This song is so absurd I can hardly believe it even exists. "Mix it all together, it's a delicacy" ...I almost fell out of my damn chair.
Of course, if it doesn't end up making the final tracklist, all bets are off.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Flashing Lights, Indeed
Looks like Kanye got arrested for cranking that Bjork on the paps at LAX.
If you're curious and don't mind briefly dealing with the antiChrist, you can see the video over at TMZ.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Video Douchebag Awards
I don't even have the stamina to discuss the tragedy that was last night's VMAs. (Why was Pink orange? Why did that dude from Tokio Hotel look so much like Bjork circa the Vespertine tour? How did promise rings become such a hot topic? Why did they bleep the word venereal in "A Milli"? Why was Christina Aguilera/Demi Moore/Kobe Bryant/Kid Rock/Slipknot even there?)
The highlight of the night was far-and-away Kanye's closing number. And even that seemed like a financial-aid version of the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony. I'm too through.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
One for the Ladies
Usher is preparing a tour for ladies only.
The R&B singer revealed in a recent interview with The Associated Press that he will soon announce details of his "One Night Stand" tour. He said specific dates are still being worked out for about 15 "intimate" venues.
To go with the theme, Usher is also planning his own line of lingerie and men's undergarments.
...I can't go there with Usher right now; it's 9am.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)