You Know What? No.

The joy that was my post-Björk video debut mood has been shot all to hell by none other than little miss Olivia.



Why has she been on my monitor so much lately?? Doing. Too. Much.

Apparently she and some other quasi-celebs made appearances at Wrestlemania XXIV, to the shock of many who assumed professional wrestling went off the air YEARS ago.

New Björk Video . . . 'Nuff Said.

I stan for Björk like the deserts stan for the rain. I thought you knew.

After a multi-decade career of making "How the hell'd they do that?" music videos, Ms. Guðmundsdóttir continues the streak with the new vid for "Wanderlust" -- one of my favorite songs from Volta.

Like Missy before her, this video was originally shot in 3D (and will be released on DVD with accompanying 3D glasses in April) but the above is the 2D version for those of us who lost our souvenirs from Captain EO. I know I did.

And props to Encyclopedia Pictura for a job well done.

No Snark Here

This has nothing to do with sarcasm or douchebags of any kind. Apparently, the New York Times is running an article about the earliest known sound recording and I legitimately think it's pretty cool. Take THAT, Edison.

Check the Resumé

Granted, Carlos Santana is a guitar legend. But does that qualify him to design women's shoes?


You can peep the line here.

"Nothing's Right. I'm Torn."

I want to hate this song. I REALLY want to hate this song . . .

Teyana Taylor Google Me baby official video
by copper_shots

. . . And yet, I just can't stop listening to it.

Full disclosure: I genuinely love her voice, and I think we can all agree her hair/weave situation is code Adorable. But the lyrics are just. so. lame.

Granted, the girl is 16 or so, so I'd rather hear her sing about her internet fame than kicking her fuck buddy out of her parents' house (I'm looking at you, JoJo). Points for that, I guess.


But regardless of the song, the video is just as whack as it wants to be.

"You Are a Full-Tilt Dumbass"

SNL - Suze Orman Show
Uploaded by stephen2417

I'll say, since the writer's strike SNL has consistently had at least one sketch each week that has cracked me the hell up. This is a marked improvement over their one-funny-sketch per quarter average they were clocking before.

I've Got 3 Words for Toccara . . .

Dramatic. Cunt. OVAH.


[language N at all SFW]

Really??

The mind boggles. I won't say I didn't laugh out loud, though.

If you want to know more about this nutbag, you're gonna have to check out the writeup at Crunk and Disorderly (and ask yourself why she's wearing Madonna's getup from the "Like a Virgin" video); I am at a loss for words.

Is That Donnie Osmond??

That revolving bar on YouTube that shows you what other people are currently watching is the most satanic invention since human sacrifice. Allow me to present Exhibit A:



I don't know why she's invaded my blog either. Bear with me.

I'll say I admire Raven for not pulling a "I'm taking my clothes off because I'm a serious actress" (cf. Lindsay Lohan, Melissa Joan Hart, Alyssa Milano, Jessica Biel, etc); but seriously, how old is she? She's, like, old enough to drink, right? Maybe it's about time she stopped making music directly targeted at 8-year-olds.

"Butt In Seat"

Yes, he is from my home state, but not my hometown so I will not claim him.

That's a Little TOO Raven

I usually leave the fashion critique to the experts (a.k.a. The Fug Girls), but I just can't get past this foolishness.



Ladies and gentlemen, Raven Symone.

When I first saw these flicks on Crunk and Disorderly, my first response was "Emperor's New Clothes" because damn if she doesn't look like she's seeing this getup for the first time in that picture on the left.

But what I didn't notice at the time -- probably because I was viewing the pics on a laptop -- was that she's not just wearing tights in lieu of pants . . .



. . . she's wearing fishnets. As though this look wasn't doing too much as it is.


Granted, she's making an appearance an Ed Hardy fashion show in LA, so she probably doesn't look any more ridiculous than the cats going down the runway. But my hatred for all things Christian Audigier is well known (well, by those who know me), so no reprieve, Olivia. You should've vetoed this look before you left the house.

Douchebags Are a Threat to National Security

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Here's some ignorance.

"You Are a Tranny Who Looks Like a Hot Mess"

I watched this season of Project Runway from start to finish, and I am now 100% convinced of two things:

First, Chris and Rami are totes doing it.

and

Second, the only way last week's SNL parody of Christian could have been more on point would be if they got Chris Kattan to come back and do it instead.




DEAD @ "tickety-tack tranny hot mess." Every time.

L.E.S. Artistes

Santogold opened for Bjork when I saw her live in Atlanta last year. And as easy as it is to hate on the opening act, she definitely held her own. So, allow me to rep her new video for "L.E.S. Artistes." This track is way more toned down than most of the songs she did for us, but it's got a strange new wave-y beauty to it. I give it a thumbs up. You, give it a listen.

1 Drop -- 2 Drop -- 3 Drop -- 4

I openly and frequently stan for M.I.A. And also for music videos in which people's bodies move in seemingly impossible ways.

Which reminds me, when is Ciara putting out a new track?



The track is "Sounds of Kuduro" by Baraka Som Sistema (I really hope I spelled that okay). Enjoy.

Pour Some Out for the Dungeon Master

A lot of the dudes I roll with (and a couple of the chicks, upon reflection) are of the "nerd" ilk, so my heart goes out to them as they mourn the loss of Dungeons and Dragon's co-creator Gary Gygax.

I pour out some Mountain Dew for you, homie.

Hot. Mess.

If you don't know me, let me just say Charm School was my show. And thus, I have nothing but love for Saaphyri.

But this shit right here . . .



To snatch a phrase from Crunk and Disorderly: Hoe, sit down.

I won't say hearing the classic "You want some lip chap?" doesn't make me grin a little. But come on, act like you've been somewhere.


If you do, in fact, want some lip chap, you can head to Saaphyri.com and get some with a side of Indian hair. You really just can't make that shit up.

Double the Douchebags

Finding out Natasha Bedingfield and Sean Kingston have a single together is like the first time you heard about Pop Rocks and Coke: You're not quite sure it'll kill you, but why take the chance?