Crush on Douche

In case you've ever wondered if Lil' Kim would make a good junior high guidance counselor, skip ahead to 2:26...

Montre-Toi, Douchebag!

My friends, I am obsessed with this ad...



I would've been about 5 years old when this aired, and I guess Chanel thought they were too good to advertise during Inspector Gadget. Whatever.

I laughed my ass off when Margaret Cho made reference to it back in the day, but I never looked it up. I guess I'm making up for lost time, though--- as it's only 34-seconds long, saying I've watched it 30 times today might be an underestimate.

There's something about it that makes me think of Schoenberg's Pierrot Lunaire and the 3rd movement of Crumb's Ancient Voices of Children (as does the 4th movement of Nico Muhly's "Mothertongue," which I recently bought), two of my favorite compositions... I was a music major, bear with me.

Now I know I'm a sworn Gaultier guy, but this commercial has quickly become one of my favorite works of art. Which, I realize, is strange for a commercial, but what are you going to do?

And the personal irony of it all, Égoïste the fragrance was the inspiration for one of my songs, "Humbert." If only I'd thought to include screaming French women during the bridge. Oh well, live and learn.

Seasons Douchings!

I'm about an hour from leaving for the airport. Christmas will be spent with the family and the GA friends. But as my parents are Betty and Barney Rubble, I will be without internets until Sunday. So in my absence, I've harnessed the power of YouTube to pass on some of my favorite Winter-time tunes.

Enjoy your holiday, and try not to be that drunk douchebag under the mistletoe at the party. You know who you are...

Lord, Send a Revival!

If you combined the sights of the church I grew up in with the sounds that were going on in my head during most services, the result would be a little something like this...

Douche Two Ferns

I, personally, was devastated at the 1:21 mark...

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis by Between Two Ferns

But Wait! There's More...

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Proposition 8

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Okay, so this blog has taken a serious turn. I promise I'll get back to the bullshit sooner than later (if you truly need to be appalled in the interim, check out that Keyshia Cole/2pac collabo...), but this struck a nerve.

I remember being in college and one of my roommates making a comment about Carson from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" -- yes, I was in college when that show was on; I'm old, let's get past it -- something to the extent of "Does he have to be SO over-the-top about being gay?"

And in the moment I was really taken aback 'cause how do you answer that? Some guys are just really feminine. And some of them are even straight. But you know that's not going to satisfy the question.

So I tried to explain that this is what you have to do in the beginning; you have to put the stereotypes out for public consumption before they can handle the nuances of reality.

And, being black, I pulled from my history: there was a bit of a gap between Hattie McDaniel in Gone with the Wind and Sidney Poitier in In the Heat of the Night, wasn't there?

So it was interesting to me hearing Jon Stewart's response to the concept of a "Stater Negro." It is something that caused dissent in the black community. Look at what came next, the Blaxploitation films of the 70s. Look at how we responded to what we saw as a slight, that we were only acceptable so long as we were dressed up and eloquent, as long as we were, essentially, "white."

Why is it then that we would put the gay community through the same ringer?

I know the California stats. I know that even though a high percentage of blacks voted Yes, blacks don't make up a high percentage of the black population.

But I also know what it is to grow up in the black community. And we can hide behind numbers all we want, but the fact is homophobia is bred in us at such a young age we don't even process it.

When Larry said black men on the "down low" aren't trying to hide from their wives, they're trying to hide from other black men, I wanted to cry. There are so many layers of sadness in that statement, and all of them are true.

But it's the American way, isn't it? The only way you can rise up in this country is to step on someone else.

Ain't that about a bitch?

Mike Huckadouche

It's no secret that I think Mike Huckabee is full-tilt dumbass...

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

...but wow. There's a difference between burning someone at the stake and marrying someone of the same sex: namely that one is murder and the other is not.

Props to Jon Stewart for dismantling Huckabee's argument in such a calm manner 'cause Lord knows that kind of ignorance tends to foam my mouth.

If I can get personal for a second (which obviously I can 'cause who's going to stop me?), I grew up surrounded by people who thought like Huckabee, and many of them still do. And it scares me because, as Huckabee himself points out, these people are training the next generation. I can't tell you how many times I heard the "being black is genetic, being gay is a choice" argument. But I can tell you that I started hearing it before I was even 12. By the time I was in high school, the idea of a contrary idea was more than offensive, it was inconceivable. If I hadn't fallen in love with a guy when I was a teenager -- and subsequently been scared out of my wits -- I probably never would've even questioned my own thinking. And frankly, most people don't (because they don't see a reason to).

It's like that line in "The Healer"--- You don't have to believe everything you think. All of us have, to some degree, been programmed. For good or ill. But I think an essential requirement of humanity is obtaining wisdom, questioning the information that comes your way. Or, in a word, analysis. Otherwise, we're just monkeys that talk.

And if you call me a monkey, we beefin'.

TMI

Forgive me if this is saying too much...



...but this song gets me wet. Carry on.



(recommendation: listen to it with headphones)

Breakin' 2: Electric Douchealoo

This is awesome:

ICYMI - 7 Yr. Old Break Dancer On Ellen @ Yahoo! Video

But seriously, what decade is it??

Thank You for Being a Douche

My day = made



Good night, everybody!

Janice Dickinson's Douchebag Agency

I have a not-so-secret but difficult-to-defend love for Janice Dickinson...

ANYWAY

When I saw this picture of her on Jezebel, I thought, "Wow, that's probably the best she's looked in awhOH MY GOD, THOSE VEINS ON HER LEG!!"



But still, her face looks not-so-botoxy at that angle, right?

"Rachel Getting Married"

No snark here, folks. I just think I really want to see this movie.

Shift in Transmission

For those who read this and somehow don't already know, I recently accepted a job offer and had to relocate. Thus, any sort of local happenings I cover probably won't pertain to the A-town. Don't get me wrong, I still love my hometown and if Soulja Girl gets up to anymore fuckery, I definitely want to know about it. But it's really about time I started trying to make some bank. Wish me well.

Baltimore, this is your last chance.

"Feminism" vs. Humanism

So, for something a bit more serious . . .

Recently, Linda Hirshman wrote an op-ed piece for the Washington Post's website about how the current generation of feminists has been tricked into backing causes like racial equality and anti-war protest to the detriment of the Women's Rights movement.

Moe, a columnist from one of my current-favorite websites Jezebel.com, wrote a rebuttal arguing that humanism needn't be at odds with feminism because only defending the rights of your personal demographic is myopic and dangerous.



I have long been a self-identified feminist; and I won't lie, a lot of it stems from my early-in-life hatred of men (I am, for the record, male if that means anything). But I'm an adult now, and I hope it is never said that my belief in equality is limited ONLY to women. I am an "-ist" for whatever group is being deprived their dignity as a human being. Even straight white guys need someone on their side sometimes . . . maybe not in the White House; but life isn't always about Capitol Hill, is it?

I think Moe's piece is well-written and worth a read, and this quote in particular got me right in my heart-region:

. . . We care about people. It's what we do! And if the popularization of neuroscience and terms like "emotional intelligence" -- coupled with the past eight years of Enron and Spitzer and Mission Accomplished -- has endowed my generation with anything, it's the confidence that our empathy is rational; that the way we are is on the side of reason.

A Little Saturday-Afternoon Literature

I just came across this little memoir that Jezebel's SlutMachine wrote for Viceland awhile back. It's fantastic in a kinda twisted way, and if you're really sexually conservative you might want to skip it. There are male hookers and rape fantasies and ooooooooohFEMINISMscaaaaaaaaaaary

Favorite quotes:

Dick immediately began apologizing, saying, “It’s just that you’re so sexy. Give me a minute. I’ll get hard again. Let me just collect myself.” But I drowned out the sound of his voice with the sound of my vibrator.

and

You know what really pisses me off? People are always quick to accuse girls of too easily becoming emotionally attached after they sleep with a guy. But I’ve never heard of any call girl who tried to hang out with a John for free because she liked him so much. It just wouldn’t happen. Women are far more capable of compartmentalizing issues of love and sex and work and play than people (dudes) give us credit for.

For those of you not so big on the "reading," check these YouTube vids of her doing the piece at In the Flesh. Personally, I think the written version is better.

Part I:


Part II:

Since You've Been Gone

I was away for a few days on a bit of business, but apparently the world went all Gary Busey in my absence.

First, I check my mail and receive a letter from the Maryland Institute College of Art stating that I owe $50 on my student account. The problem with this, as I see it, is that I was never a student at the Maryland Institue College of Art. Sure, I worked there for a year, but during that time they paid me. So unless they can give me a really compelling argument as to why I should donate $50 to the school's latest charity drive or something, I see no reason why I should pay off an imaginary account. Thanks anyway, though.

Then, I head over to the BBC America website to see how many episodes I missed of my current-favorite show Hollyoaks and saw this little stunner at the top of the page:

Dear Hollyoaks Fans:

Thanks for your support of Hollyoaks on BBCAmerica.com. You have been the show's biggest cheerleaders from day one, and it has been our pleasure to bring you streaming episodes of the show since October 2007. However, as BBCAmerica.com works to bring you new content, our streaming of Hollyoaks will come to an end. The last streamed episode - Episode 260 - will be available for viewing until June 6, 2008.

Once again, we thank you for your dedication to Hollyoaks and hope that you'll stay tuned to BBCAmerica.com for more fabulous content!

Cheers!

BBCAMERICA.com

How am I supposed to breathe with no air??



I joke to keep from crying. I really have been head-over-heels with this show since I stumbled on it on YouTube about 4 or 5 months ago. It's become part of my daily ritual, along with brushing my teeth and styling on the youth of metro Atlanta.

It would be one thing if the show had been canceled, but it's still going strong in England so it seems they're just gonna cut it off at a random place in the story. America sucks. Or at least its BBC.

"Cheers," indeed.

Let's Discuss the REAL Issue

Billboard.com is reporting that late jazz musician's Joe Farrell's daughter is suing Kanye West, Common, and Method Man over a sample they used without permission from the estate.

But the real question is where did Billboard find this fug-ass picture of Kanye?



I mean, damn.

Happy Birthday, Dorothy Zbornak!

If you love Bea Arthur like I love Bea Arthur, you should click here in celebration of her 86th birthday.

If you don't love Bea Arthur, get the hell off my blog.

Throwback

This post is not in any way topical or related to anything else. Here at Obvious Douchebag, you are all subject to my whims.



I remember seeing this on TV one morning before school when I was in junior high and thinking I was tripping on all the hallucinogens I had never actually tried but secretly wanted to. I digress.

I'm not sure what exactly reminded me of this, but props to this little girl's parents. When they got this on VH1, they really forcasted the whole YouTube fad, didn't they?