They Don't Douche Us, We Douche Them

What else can I say? Glenn Beck is fucking crazy...

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The 10/31 Project
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor NASA Name Contest

Crush on Douche

In case you've ever wondered if Lil' Kim would make a good junior high guidance counselor, skip ahead to 2:26...

God Douche the U.S.A.

I don't care who's singing it...

God Bless the U.S.A. (Proud to Be an American) - Beyoncé

I hate this fucking song.

Paul Blart: Douche Cop

This is the featured clip on YouTube today:



Just when you start to think "The only way this could possibly be worse is if 'Living on a Prayer' kicked in right about now"...

Douche Me Baby One More Time

I'll say this, his mother was much more supportive than I could've been. If my child ever got that much water on my bathroom floor, I would back-slap the rotten brat till my hand got tired...




And the choreography was whack anyway. Step your game up, little dude.

We Need to Talk...

Tina, now you know I've always loved you, and I always will.

But...



...you are doing absolutely too damn much.

The Obvious Douchebag Guide to Parenting

When I was little, I once got yelled at for doing my best Jessica Rabbit walk in public... but enough about me.

What I'm saying is I appreciate parents who don't shame their sons for being feminine---



But you could at least encourage them to be respectable young ladies and not the next generation of "those girls" at the club. God give me strength.

And the Grammy Goes to...

You know he slaughtered the competition with that eyebrow jig at the end. Get into this.

Whenever I Blog Real Good...

Creole!



Can I just go ahead and pre-order the album? This song is so absurd I can hardly believe it even exists. "Mix it all together, it's a delicacy" ...I almost fell out of my damn chair.

Of course, if it doesn't end up making the final tracklist, all bets are off.

Donny Deutschbag

If ever in my life I wanted to punch someone in the face...



Look, it's safe to say I don't like Sarah Palin. It's actually safe to say she makes me kinda violent. Whatever, she doesn't live in my apartment complex, so we're cool.

But for Donny Deutsch to say Palin "is the new feminist ideal" because she "put on a skirt" and because "women want to be her, men want to mate with her" (mate with?? --- rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham) is the single most insulting thing I've heard in I don't know how long. And I've seen every episode of I Love New York ever made.

Do You Have Any Idea Who This Is?

Of course you don't.

But nonetheless, Daddy Yankee (that's right, the "Gasolina" dude) wants you to know he's voting for John McCain.



...motherfucker, AND??

Dame más singles and sit the hell down.

As My Race Gently Weeps

Billboard.com reports:

Hip-hop entrepreneur Percy Miller, a.k.a. Master P, is launching a family-friendly cable network, Better Black Television.

The network will provide "positive content for a black and brown culture," according to a company statement.

Positive content such as this?



Fool me once, Master P...

The Douche-o-lympics

Oh really, Spain? You don't see how having your Olympic basketball team pull their eyes back to look "more Chinese" while standing on top of a giant dragon could be racist? You meant that to be "respectful"? You don't say.



I quit this bitch.

And They Are Dead-Ass Serious

I had heard about this ad, but hadn't actually seen it till my friend Mike shot me the YouTube link tonight.

In case you were thinking this was a clever internet satire of modern American moral standards...*buzzer* WRONG. AshleyMadison (I will not link to that mess) is an actual website that hooks married people up with paramours, and this commercial really ran on television for awhile until it got pulled for, well, being slime.


Lord, I need thee every hour.

People that know me know I'm no great champion for the concept of marriage, but this is absurd. And how much did they have to pay poor Fat-Fat to play the "unfuckable broad" in this commercial? 'Cause that's all she will ever be known for now.

The Burger Rap

Make no mistake about it--- white people are CRAZY.

Sit Down and Shut Up

The long-haired Monchichi is taking credit for government legislation. No, I'm not kidding.

The MySpace slut-turned-reality TV star --- just typing that makes me want to renounce my citizenship --- is touting her show as a cause for California's recent decision to remove the ban on gay marriage.

"It is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement," she told Usmagazine.com at the Hollywood premiere of The Love Guru on Wednesday.

"Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]," she said. "Then they realized, 'Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.' The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal." (US Magazine)

Order my steps in your word, dear Lord 'cause this trick is about one step away from a bouquet beatdown (if you haven't seen the Sex and the City movie yet, quit fronting and get to the multiplex) if I ever see her out in the street.

Obvious Douchebag Sighting

Fox News had the NERVE to refer to Michelle Obama as Barack's "baby mama." I don't know if that's more disrespectful on racial or sexual lines, but regardless I'm calling out the whole network as obvious douchebags. But this is nothing you didn't already know.

What Can I Say About Amy Winehouse?

. . . not a damn thing.

Ladies, Looka Here

There is a problem that we obviously need to discuss . . .





I don't care how many singers/actresses/supermodels rock them on the red carpet, if I ever see any woman I know in a formal jumpsuit, she's getting a banana cream pie right in the grill. You have been warned.

And I can't even talk about Andre Leon Talley right now. Lord knows I don't have any problem feminine men, but Swedish Chef/Ninja Turtle with a peep-toe is not a good look. God give me strength.

Since You've Been Gone

I was away for a few days on a bit of business, but apparently the world went all Gary Busey in my absence.

First, I check my mail and receive a letter from the Maryland Institute College of Art stating that I owe $50 on my student account. The problem with this, as I see it, is that I was never a student at the Maryland Institue College of Art. Sure, I worked there for a year, but during that time they paid me. So unless they can give me a really compelling argument as to why I should donate $50 to the school's latest charity drive or something, I see no reason why I should pay off an imaginary account. Thanks anyway, though.

Then, I head over to the BBC America website to see how many episodes I missed of my current-favorite show Hollyoaks and saw this little stunner at the top of the page:

Dear Hollyoaks Fans:

Thanks for your support of Hollyoaks on BBCAmerica.com. You have been the show's biggest cheerleaders from day one, and it has been our pleasure to bring you streaming episodes of the show since October 2007. However, as BBCAmerica.com works to bring you new content, our streaming of Hollyoaks will come to an end. The last streamed episode - Episode 260 - will be available for viewing until June 6, 2008.

Once again, we thank you for your dedication to Hollyoaks and hope that you'll stay tuned to BBCAmerica.com for more fabulous content!

Cheers!

BBCAMERICA.com

How am I supposed to breathe with no air??



I joke to keep from crying. I really have been head-over-heels with this show since I stumbled on it on YouTube about 4 or 5 months ago. It's become part of my daily ritual, along with brushing my teeth and styling on the youth of metro Atlanta.

It would be one thing if the show had been canceled, but it's still going strong in England so it seems they're just gonna cut it off at a random place in the story. America sucks. Or at least its BBC.

"Cheers," indeed.