We Gettin' Douchebag Money

You can correct the pronunciation all you want, Busta, it will always be "A-rab" Money to me. Know this.



So, where'd all the money go? Obviously not this video. I still love him, though.

OshKosh B'Douche

First Tobey Keith, now this douchebag?



That's right, K-Fed announced his line of children's clothes today. According to the press release:

“It’s a really tough business, I’m trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kids but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans... You buy your kids a pair of True Religions then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I’m looking to do something much more reasonable.”

*blink blink*

This is not relateable, Kevin. You're buying True Religions for children, why? What's the concept? And how many pairs of $200 jeans did the little brats have to ruin before you realized there's a place called Wal-Mart? Get your dumb ass outta here...

Ob(li)vious Douchebags

You thought your house was a little out of your price range? Check out these two:


This is like a meeting of douchebags anonymous. These two because they thought they could afford a $1.5 Million apartment on his $20K a year salary. The sellers because they sold it to them, and the bank for approving the loan.

Don't worry guys. We just passed the bailout. You can unpack the boxes.

The Douchebag's Guide to Style

All your dreams have come true: Toby Keith has a clothing line!





Seriously, who co-signed this shit? I know the fashion industry is struggling in "these uncertain times," but damn.

If you're a gay man with a thing for rednecks (or Bret Michaels), though, today's your lucky day. But I suggest you neither ask nor tell 'cause your ass might get lynched.

Busta... What It Is Right Now?

I was checking my MySpace when I came across this flick...



Will someone please tell me if Flo Rida' and Busta Rhymes are the same person? Like my friend Raina said, "They just turned the pic." Damn this recession!

Paul Blart: Douche Cop

This is the featured clip on YouTube today:



Just when you start to think "The only way this could possibly be worse is if 'Living on a Prayer' kicked in right about now"...

I've Seen This Before...

Is it me, or does this...




...take place in the same weird futurecitynetherworld as this?





(And, now that I think about it, this?)


En Vogue - too gone too long



It's the music video equivalent of the Taco Bell font, I guess.

We Need to Talk...

Tina, now you know I've always loved you, and I always will.

But...



...you are doing absolutely too damn much.

The Dynamic Douchebag Duo

I was driving up to get my oil changed yesterday when the announcer on the radio said, "Soulja Boy featuring Bow Wow: 'Marco Polo.'"

To which I replied (because I talk to myself in the car), "No part of that sounds appealing..."





...and no part of it is.

Law and Order: Special Douchebag Unit

You don't want none.

This morning, my friend and co-worker Jen sent me what is probably the greatest news article ever written.



All these herbs and spices before 9:30AM? It's just too much.

And nothing could be more humiliating than some random guy slapping you in the face with an 8-inch sausage and then running away. (Ladies, am I right?)

One for the Ladies

Usher is preparing a tour for ladies only.

The R&B singer revealed in a recent interview with The Associated Press that he will soon announce details of his "One Night Stand" tour. He said specific dates are still being worked out for about 15 "intimate" venues.

To go with the theme, Usher is also planning his own line of lingerie and men's undergarments.

...I can't go there with Usher right now; it's 9am.

As My Race Gently Weeps

Billboard.com reports:

Hip-hop entrepreneur Percy Miller, a.k.a. Master P, is launching a family-friendly cable network, Better Black Television.

The network will provide "positive content for a black and brown culture," according to a company statement.

Positive content such as this?



Fool me once, Master P...

Paris Hilton for President

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

It had been how long since we'd heard from this bitch? And John McCain had to go and rile her up. Nice job, gramps.

Paris Hilton released a mock-campaign video spoofing McCain's recent ads that unfavorably compared Obama to Hilton and Britney Spears (despite the fact that Paris' mom had previously donated money to McCain's campaign).

It's all fun and games now, but remember this is the same nation of douchebags that elected both Schwarzenegger and Jesse "the Body" Ventura to public office. I can't.



I'll be straight up though, nothing would make me happier than seeing White House painted pink... And her energy plan is solid... And I was hoping for a woman in the White House next year...

Maybe I'll be voting this November after all.

FU

I guess the answer to "now what?" is "throw myself out a fucking window."

My hatred for Maroon 5 is deep and long-standing, and I still haven't forgiven Counting Crows for desecrating "Big Yellow Taxi" with that no-talent Vanessa Carlton. I would rather eat hair than watch Douchefest '08 broadcast over my interwebs. Next.

Obvious Douchebag Alert: Code Red

Is he out of his fuckin mind??

If you haven't heard, Toby Keith's new movie (damn this recession!) and single, both titled "Beer for My Horses," actually advocate lynching. That's right: lynching.

Grandpappy told my pappy, back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street for all the people to see

...Back up the damn bus. How did we get here?


I guess free speech is free speech, but I'm actually more than a little disappointed Stephen Colbert let him perform this mess on his show.

Beyond that, I imagine Mr. Keith's tour won't be making any stops in Compton or Bed-Stuy so he may not have much to worry about. You and I on the other hand need to be on full Douchebag Alert. The disease is highly contagious and may have already affected someone you know and love.