Thursday, February 28, 2008

Fool Me Twice

Okay, there was nothing she could do about the soda fountain acting up . . .

Women ATTACKED by Beverage Machine!

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But the slipping? She ain't know the floor was wet? Come on, now.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

30 Rock My Body . . . You Know, Some More

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume this will be my favorite video of '08. Videos

The video for Bjork's "Wanderlust" hasn't dropped yet, so it's still up in the air. But I digress---

I can't remember the last time a music video made me laugh out loud in a good way. Slightest of slight disappointments, Jack McBrayer isn't in character as everyone's favorite television enthusiast; but, he seriously may as well be.

And props to Mariah for getting that body back. Now if we could just make that hair color a shade darker, we'd be in the money. But let me quit hatin'.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

30 Rock My Body

I've been waiting for this since it was announced: Videos

I don't openly stan for Mariah like I used to pre-Rainbow (though Daydream is, and will always be, my shit), but the new track, "Touch My Body," is pretty good and the video features Kenneth the motherfuckin' Page from 30 Rock -- arguably the best TV show on the air. And by "arguably," I mean The Office is the only argument I will entertain to the contrary.

The full-length video is supposed to debut tomorrow, so I'll probably post that when it hits YouTube (assuming it hasn't already).

Monday, February 25, 2008

La Vie en Fucking Adorable

I didn't watch the Oscars because it's long and boring.

But since I've been wanting to see La Vie en Rose since it came out (Edith Piaf = one of the greatest singers ever) and haven't gotten around to it for whatever reason, I was excited to hear Marion Cotillard won the Best Actress award for the part.

Now, I've seen her acceptance speech from last night . . .

How gorgeous is this woman??

I see why the film also won for best makeup design, 'cause she looks early like the real Ms. Piaf in the publicity stills.

So let me shut up and take my ass to Blockbuster. Peace out.

Backwoods Barbie

Ever been to one of those websites that feature the worst album covers of all time?

Dolly Parton hasn't.

Wow . . .

When I saw this---

I grinned and assumed it to be the work of the Best Week Ever blog's clever photoshoppery. But when I found out it's real, I clutched my pearls and swooned.

We can agree that this is pretty much the end of civilization, right?

Finally, a Reason to Like Josh Groban . . .

. . . besides, you know, talent and integrity.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Light Skin, Dark Skin, My Asian Persuasion

I saw this ad this morning; and let me tell you, pearl clutching is not the best part of waking up.

Personally, I've never gotten the whole ethnic fetish concept, but let's not even get into that discussion on a weekend. I'm just saying if your sole reason for marrying someone is their skin color, I'm'll have to call you a douchebag.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Best Website EVER

I guess I decided to make today the day I look at things that everyone else has known about for months.

But regardless, Stuff White People Like is quite possibly the most fantastic website in the history of websites. Favorite entries thus far include:

#72 Study Abroad
#71 Being the Only White Person Around
#58 Japan
#53 Dogs
#25 David Sedaris
#21 Writer's Workshops
#14 Having Black Friends
#11 Asian Girls
#4 Assists

Mainly because reading each of those was like reading a mini-biography of at least one of my white friends (or, in some cases, enemies). But I guess that's the whole point of the site . . .

(Note: Apparently the comments section of the site is to be avoided. Ever since the advent of YouTube I avoid pretty much all online message board situations, excepting the commenters at Crunk and Disorderly who consistently crack me up. But the SWPL comments are full of people taking the site way too seriously and being way too racist; so, enjoy the site, skip the douchebags.)

Watch Out for the Big Girls

I don't know what I love the most right now: the Best Week Ever blog for posting this, Tyra Banks for being tacky enough to air it, or the precise moment when the fat chick flies off the bed.

Alls I know is I feel love. You may now proceed to sing Donna Summer all day long.

Charles Barkley for President

I'm apparently mad late seeing this video, but I haven't really been keeping up with politics anyway.

Charles Barkley isn't the most eloquent man in the world, but that doesn't stop him from making a good point now and then. When he puts "fake Christians" on blast towards the end of the video, my heart grows wings and flies away.

But, wait, does he mean to tell me Soulja Boy isn't an adequate role model for black youth? Yahhh, bitch, yahhh!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Science of Douchebaggery

Steve, easily one of my favorite human beings, sent me this via instant messenger and I was floored by its accuracy and simplicity. So as not to fux with said simplicity, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and let it speak.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Douchebag Triangle

There are a lot of things about this story that upset me:

Two grown-ass women fighting over a teenager
Attempting to murder the woman carrying your child
The creepy, remorseless grin in the mugshot
A drive-by? Really? It's that serious?
"Lakeviette" -- I have no words.

But the one thing that confuses the hell out of me . . .

"The guy they're fighting over was behind the wheel. He's only 15 years old . . . Fortunately Smith wasn't hit, but police say with all the gunfire Wright accidentally shot her teenage boyfriend in the neck."

Someone please explain the logistics of that to me. I've never been party to a drive-by myself, so maybe I don't fully understand the mechanics. But it seems to me, if you're in the passenger's seat with the gun you wouldn't fire it out THE DRIVER'S SIDE WINDOW. Right? It's called a U-turn.

Or was it some sort of Looney Tunes mess where she pulled the trigger, lost control of the gun, and just started firing bullets every which way?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Douchebags on Film

It's amazing to me that we still live in a society where two grown men having sex in a romantic movie is cause for nationwide pearl clutching, but a bunch of teenage boys beating the crap out of each other is just another weekend at the cineplex.

Though I'd be willing to bet the homoeroticism in Never Back Down is WAY higher than Brokeback anyway.

Did You Know . . .

. . . that Paris Hilton has a little brother?

I sure as hell didn't. But I'll tell you what---

I can see the family resemblance.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Charm City, Y'all / Obvious Douchebag Sighting

My former co-worker Jake posted this on his Myspace with the apt caption:

"Oh, yes... that's what will get you killed in Baltimore... skating in the Harbor with your headphones on. Not the meth, coke, crack, AIDS and gang violence. Small dick sizes make grown men do stupid shit, I tell you."

It's always nice to see field coverage of obvious douchebags at large. Unless these kids ran over a baby with the skateboards and laughed about it, I'm gonna have to say this guy was overacting.

But at least he didn't taze them . . .

(Note: turns out Officer Riviera was suspended, but he still has a job which is disheartening.)

I Have No Words

Friday, February 8, 2008

No, No, No

I'm sorry, but I really couldn't come up with a better title than that.

Amy Winehouse was slated to give her first-ever Grammy performance this year. But because of a leaked video of the brassy-voiced Brit smoking crack, she now can't leave the country.

Well, today it was confirmed that Wino will be given a second-chance of sorts and her performance will be broadcast via satellite.

Good for her and everything, but they know they don't need to be pulling ol' girl out of rehab all willynilly. Anyone who was going to buy the album already has; it doesn't really need anymore promotion.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Not the New Wendy Pepper


Okay, I'm ACTUALLY Thankful for This One

Apparently the rumors are true, and Beyonce will be duetting with Tina Turner at this year's Grammy's.

Guess I'll have to tune in after all.

For those who don't know me well, Tina Turner is my queen and I have been paying tribute since I was 3. She could be opening a can of soup, I don't care: if it's televised, I will be watching.

And it should be interesting to see how this turns out since Beyonce has basically been doing her best Tina Turner impression ever since the video for that song she did on the Austin Powers soundtrack.

(And for the record, that song was my jam. What? Say something.)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Deja Vu

I thought it was Groundhog Day when I saw the commercial for Charlie Bartlett the other day. Didn't this movie come out, like, 2 years ago? I could swear I saw the trailer before Marie Antoinette, or at least Borat.

Guess it was one of those movies that got held up for whatever reason. And we all know those movies always turn out to be cinema classics.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Obvious Douchebag Sighting

No really, it's true. Just ask my old roommate.

Or good ol' John. I'm sure she'd already told him twice.

Oh, Thank GOD

Dreams can come true. Musical innovators John Legend and Fergie are scheduled to duet at the Grammy's this year.

One word: pass.

I'm sure whatever song Ol' Methface and Kanye West's secret lover manage to choose for their performance will be about how much I hate that song. But it's not like you were really planning on watching the Grammy's anyway, right?

Now Where Are My 3-D Glasses?

Missy and Dave Meyers have teamed up again for another dance-tastic music video. The gimmick this time around: the entire ordeal is in 3-D. Apparently, you can get ahold of some glasses via her website -- assuming you don't still have the ones you got for Yo Yogi!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Do the Heisman on that Legend

The obvious douchebag, it is you, it is I, it is all of us . . .

. . . but it's pretty hard not to laugh at this mess. Love to my favorite website Crunk and Disorderly for posting this.

Stevie Wonder's body of work speaks for itself, so this obviously isn't about to hurt his artistic reputation. But I'm mad at Mrs. Obama for pulling a Road Runner on that ass and leaving him back there with the handlers.

Anyone else having flashbacks to Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams on BET a couple years back?

How about now?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Eat Up

Yes, I'll have the butterflied dick on a biscuit, please.

I saw a commercial for Hardee's latest arterial assassin this afternoon. Now, I love a good biscuit -- what Southern boy doesn't? -- but presentation is everything.

At least it's not this though. Or this. Or this.

Hardee's is killin' you hoes. Literally.

Friday, February 1, 2008

How to Lose Your Lover

I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to. Sorry, kids.

But here's a Happy Friday clip from the Jimmy Kimmel show.

Now ladies, let's be honest (and dudes too -- it's a safe space): if you were f*cking Matt Damon, you'd write a song about it too.