Monday, April 28, 2008


Two Ann Arbor girl scouts have decided to stop selling Girl Scout cookies in protest. Apparently the cookies are made with palm oil, the production of which threatens the well-being of endangered orangutans in Indonesia.

I hate to sound unsympathetic, but the monkeys can go fuck. As long as you're wearing that tacky green sash with the flair, it is your civic duty to shill overpriced delicious baked goods to the fat masses of America.

These uppity little chicks are just lucky I don't live in Ann Arbor. I wish somebody would try to get between me and some Do-Si-Dos.

Friday, April 25, 2008


One of my favorite musical acts, Matmos, is coming out with a new album in May, and released a new video to the internets today.

These guys have sampled everything from liposuction to cow vaginas to make their dance beats in the past, but this time out they did everything with synthesizers. Sometimes you've just gotta be a little old fashioned, you know?

Someone. Got. FIRED.

There's a lot going on in this clip I don't understand (the cunty billboard unveiling, the seemingly pre-recorded 1st verse, why she's dressed like a Tickle-Me Barbie).

But what I'm sure of--- whichever backup singer she's calling out at around the 3-minute mark got their walking papers before lunch. KIMORA ain't got nothing on this bitch.

And that's why I love her.

Kanye West vs. Jonah Hill

Connect 4 - Jonah Hill vs. Kanye from kwest on Vimeo

Right around the 2:30 mark, the video goes from awkward to full-on nigga, please. Classic Kanye, really.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Girl, Stop.

I'm still trying to figure out how Fergie got so many singles out of The Duchess; I cannot comprehend whatsoever why someone co-signed this terrible Sex and the City movie theme.

I always liked the theme music for the TV show (something about that percussion just moves me); why couldn't they just use that? Anyone who's going to see this film doesn't need a pop star on the soundtrack to get them to the theater. It's enough to find out just how much makeup it takes these days to cover up all that old on Kim Cattrall's face. Let me quit.

Have You Been High Today?

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

I've been listening to a lot of Bhangra and Bollywood the past couple of weeks, so it's no exaggeration to say this made my day.

Because 25% of Men Are Douchebags

A UC Davis professor conducted a study to find an explanation for the fact that, stastically, 25% of women in college are sexually assaulted.

The professor chalks it up to "faulty male introspection": that men decide how to interpret what women say based on what they, the men, would mean saying the same thing. For example, if a girl tells a guy "It's getting late" and the guy interprets that as "Let's speed this up" because that's what he would mean if he said it, then she might just get date raped. Oops.

According to Jezebel, one of the professor's "main conclusions is that women need to be as direct as possible when communicating sexual wants."

One of my main conclusions is that it takes a COLOSSAL douchebag to try to find scientific backing for "She was asking for it."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Speaking of Pedophiles . . .

Look, I don't speak Dutch, so I don't know what they're singing, or how it relates to the weird man-boy-love choreography . . .

What I do know is that kid never met a flat pitch he didn't love. I can't.

Why Aren't You in Jail?

You can always count on an R. Kelly remix to make a song just a bit more date rape-y.

As everyone who's commented on this track has already pointed out, the Pied Piper probably shouldn't be singing about his inability to "quit it" upon request.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

This Is My Newest of Favorite Things

If you're not already familiar, the Pot Psychology segments over at Jezebel are too funny. I almost fell out of my cubicle laughing at this mess today (though, I guess it should be noted, the videos are pretty much NSFW across the board, so use your headphones).

I was already a big fan of Rich thanks to his dead hilarious Top Model recaps. But I've just started perusing Jezebel recently. I'm always two steps behind the trend.

I Can't and I Won't

Can we just eliminate the office of the President?

It's not enough the candidates have appeared on such national-embarassments as The Tyra Banks Show and American Idol, now we can add WWE Monday Night Raw to the list. George W. Bush wouldn't even go on that shit. (Although he did send a shout out to Deal or No Deal. I am too through.)

I'm so sick of this idea that the leader of this country should be just another average-joe middle-American C student. IT'S THE LEADER OF THE COUNTRY. Please at least stick with The Oprah Show.

I'm gonna pull a Kenny the Page on election day and vote for Jesus on the write-in.

Monday, April 21, 2008

But Seriously, Are You That Somebody?

Beth Ditto of The Gossip got equal amounts of love and side-facials when she celebrated Butt-Naked Wednesdays on the cover of NME awhile back.

The above clip -- taken from their CD/DVD Live in Liverpool -- is likely to warrant a similar response.

I for one think it's a solid cover. Ms. Ditto's got vocals and an obvious love for the Aaliyah source material. The drummer's take on Timbaland's beat is solid. All-in-all it's respectful without being boring.

That gold pantsuit on the other hand . . . I can't.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Way That I Love You (Aww Baby)

I don't really know why this has become a 2nd-rate music blog, either. I guess it was just a matter of time.

Ashanti (Aww Baby) came out at a time when I was pissed at music press for praising singers who wrote their own songs regardless of how much those songs sucked [see: Vanessa Carlton, Michelle Branch, Avril Levigne].

Or should I say how FOOLISH/UNFOOLISH they were?

But I'll always leave room for a little backpedling; I like Ashanti (Aww Baby)'s new single. I didn't know it was her when I first heard it, which is probably for the best -- you know you hate on songs because of the artist, too -- but I think it's the melody that gets to me.

The video is a bit OVAH, but what can you do?
(If you don't already know where that link is going, you don't know me at all. That mess never gets old to me.)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

"It's Butt-Naked Wednesdays"

In my perfect world, Erykah Badu and Dave Chappelle would be married and have super-talented adorable big-lipped genius babies. Am I alone in this?

I still haven't picked up the New Amerykah album. I'm honestly waiting on the weather to get warmer. What I've heard of from it I really like, but it's definitely the kind of music I like to pump out the windows.

All My 80s Babies

Why didn't anybody tell me this was the Pointer Sisters??

But whatever. If you were of Sesame Street-watching age in the 80s, you remember the pinball machine clip and how much you used to wish that pinball machine actually existed somewhere. Well, Pitchfork posted this DJ Food remix today so we can all reminisce together. Except, of course, you youngins who should probably be studying for something anyway.

Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oah (You Know What I Mean)

CAN'T TELL HIM NOTHING!!! from kwest on Vimeo.

I saw this adorableness on the Best Week Ever blog and wanted to pass it on. This little nukka is gangsta. Respect.

Thursday, April 10, 2008


It's a bit late to be posting this as, well, it's already happening---

30 Rock and The Office return to NBC's Thursday-night lineup right f'ing now. I've missed these shows like the deserts miss the rain, so I'm gonna stop typing before the commercials end and get back to my regularly scheduled programming.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My Land . . .

Looks like I picked a good time to move back to the A.

Obvious Douchebag Sighting

What's that driving 8 car lengths behind the nearest visible vehicle during rush hour traffic? A Mercedes-Benz?? GTFOH

Where there is vehicular fuckery, there is likely to be a Benz at the source. They're not like motorcycles, all they really do is make you feel bad about the limitations of your own car. When a biker goes up the middle of the lane during stand-still congestion, sure we all hate them but only 'cause we can't be them. And that's natural.

Mercedes drivers are the ones who get into the left lane on the highway and then drive at a speed so slow it seems as though they're afraid a bug will hit the windshield at too high a velocity and they will thus be bound by the rules of etiquette to relinquish their supreme driving experience to the scrap heap.

They're the ones who cut you off going 65 and then slow down to a leisurely 30, as if to fully savor the mouthed profanity and flailing hands in their rearview mirror.

They're the ones who park across so far across the line, taking up two spaces, that it's as if they're daring you to key their car (and the next time I see on of you do it, I might just take you up on it). Or perhaps they're worried your poverty contagions may get on the door handle without their knowing it and spread through their circle like chicken pox.

It would be one thing if Benz were as huge or as frequently piloted by 75-year olds as Cadillacs or Oldsmobiles, but they're not. They're perfectly mid-sized cars that generally feature middled-aged corporate types at the wheel. If you fuck faster than you drive, there's a problem.

Next time you find yourself out on the highway and wonder why suddenly your lane, and only your lane, has become a sea of brake lights, be prepared to find a Mercedes Benz leading the pack.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

You Are Not Ready

There is fuckery, about 5 levels of hot mess, and then this.

Place your bets now on when the Lil' Mama/Saaphyri collabo will drop on YouTube. I'm done.