Friday, February 27, 2009

Douche It on the Alcohol

I've always been a big fan of music videos, which is why the events of the past two days are hurting my heart...

The video for Jamie Foxx's new (and terrible) single "Blame It on the Alcohol" features Jake Gyllenhaal and Ron Howard... because that makes sense. The first person to Crank Dat Brokeback and/or Opie on YouTube is my new best friend. Get on it!

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Jerry Seinfeld is executive producing a new reality series.

The series is about celebrities resolving people's marriage issues. Who better to help people resolve their marriage issues than the man who dated a 17 year old in his thirties before eventually finding his current wife, who had just returned from her honeymoon when she met him, promptly divorcing her husband. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

We Gettin' Douchebag Money

You can correct the pronunciation all you want, Busta, it will always be "A-rab" Money to me. Know this.

So, where'd all the money go? Obviously not this video. I still love him, though.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

OshKosh B'Douche

First Tobey Keith, now this douchebag?

That's right, K-Fed announced his line of children's clothes today. According to the press release:

“It’s a really tough business, I’m trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kids but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans... You buy your kids a pair of True Religions then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I’m looking to do something much more reasonable.”

*blink blink*

This is not relateable, Kevin. You're buying True Religions for children, why? What's the concept? And how many pairs of $200 jeans did the little brats have to ruin before you realized there's a place called Wal-Mart? Get your dumb ass outta here...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Follow Up: Tyler Perry Presents Tyler Perry's Madea in Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail Douches to #1. Tyler Perry.

Weekend Top 10
1. Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (Lionsgate) OPENER $41.1M Wkd [2,032 Theaters]
2. Taken (20th Century Fox) $11.4M Wkd [3,102], Cume $95.1M
3. Coraline 3-D (Focus Features) $11M Wkd [2,155], Cume $53.3M
4. He's Just Not That Into You (NL/Warner Bros) $8.5M Wkd [3,050], Cume $70M
5. Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight) $8M Wkd [2,244], Cume $98M
6. Friday The 13th (NL/Warner Bros) $7.8M (-81%) Wkd [3,105], Cume $55M
7. Confessions Of A Shopaholic (Disney) $7M Wkd (-53%) [2,507], Cume $27.6M
8. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Columbia/Sony) $7M Wkd [2,835], Cume $121.3M
9. Fired Up (Screen Gems/Sony) OPENER $6M Wkd [1,810]
10. The International (Sony) $4.4M (-52%) Wkd [2,364], Cume $17M

In related news, the previously mentioned "Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry's Madea in Tyler Perry's Madea Takes a Shit" has been fast-tracked. Tyler Perry.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Ob(li)vious Douchebags

You thought your house was a little out of your price range? Check out these two:

This is like a meeting of douchebags anonymous. These two because they thought they could afford a $1.5 Million apartment on his $20K a year salary. The sellers because they sold it to them, and the bank for approving the loan.

Don't worry guys. We just passed the bailout. You can unpack the boxes.

The Douchebag's Guide to Style

All your dreams have come true: Toby Keith has a clothing line!

Seriously, who co-signed this shit? I know the fashion industry is struggling in "these uncertain times," but damn.

If you're a gay man with a thing for rednecks (or Bret Michaels), though, today's your lucky day. But I suggest you neither ask nor tell 'cause your ass might get lynched.

There's a New Douche in Town

As you may have noticed, the last post was not done by yours truly. Obvious Douchebag has gone co-op. Get into it!

Steve offered me $20 worth of Entenmann's cinnamon rolls for a contributor spot, and it was an offer I couldn't refuse. Laugh all you want, but this is a recession. Make him feel welcome, douchebags.

Caution: Falling Douchebags

Look out below! Remember folks, always keep your balance when you're graffito-tagging a bridge over a busy road.

And he didn't just fall off, he was hit by a truck! What won't a douchebag do for the sake of his art?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Douche My Conglomerate

I heard this on the radio yesterday and had to wipe the drool off my steering wheel...

Conglemerate - Busta Rhymes

I've fucked with Busta since he was getting chased by elephants and doing neon tribal dance, so I guess I always will. I do wish he'd start screaming again, though...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Shaking Like a Douchebag to the Sun

Two posts in one day? It's a beautiful day in the doucheyhood.

Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

There are few sounds I love more than Karen O's voice, so a new Yeah Yeah Yeahs single is a "hold everything! where are my headphones?" situation for me. Enjoy!

Douchebags Having Douchebags

Teen pregnancy must be a stressful and somewhat sad situation, I'm sure...

But if you like it, then you should've put a rubber on it. Next!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Douche on a Plane

Your auntie missed her flight and the results were LEGENDARY...

I *adore* this woman. I had a similar moment last Friday at Wendy's when the cashier told me they were out of Flavor-Dipped Barbeque Chicken Sandwiches. True story.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Bat for Douches

Don't let the snarky title deceive you, I am obsessed with this song.

Glass - Bat For Lashes

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Douche the Stanky Legg

Here's my story; it's sad but true...

I was Facebook stalking (don't hate, you do it too) a friend of mine about two months ago, and someone had posted the above tragedy on his wall. As it was November and the video was originally posted in April, I did a little "waaah waaah" for Them G-Spot Boyz -- girls, if you let these stanky douchebags anywhere near your g-spot, that's on you -- and went about my merry way.

So, imagine my surprise when I saw the video getting press over at C&D a couple of weeks ago. Ô rage! Ô désespoir!

Well, apparently that extra three seconds of fame was enough for these Lords of the Dance to re-shoot the video with mind-blowing special effects in exotic locales (read: they bought a smoke machine and bribed a high school principal with a case of St. Ides so they could film in the gym). If you enjoy your hot mess microwaved a day later, then this should be right up your stank-ass alley:

I know my expectations should be well lower, but "That YOUR Hot" @ 1:56... if I wasn't saved, I'd cuss these bastards out in the YouTube comments.