Wednesday, August 27, 2008

For All That "Broke Refugee" Talk...

...M.I.A. be getting PAID.

swagger like us - t.i. ft kanye west, jay-z & lil wayne

And while we're on the subject: I don't care how funny Pineapple Express was, those of us who bought Kala a year ago are dead sick of you and your people talking about "Paper Planes" like that shit just came out. You've been notified.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Do You Have Any Idea Who This Is?

Of course you don't.

But nonetheless, Daddy Yankee (that's right, the "Gasolina" dude) wants you to know he's voting for John McCain.

...motherfucker, AND??

Dame más singles and sit the hell down.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Eat Me

What in the hell?

Full disclosure: I've never read any Palahniuk. Hell, I've never even seen Fight Club. But my Douchey-Sense is tingling away with that promo image. Maybe because it reminds me so much of this.

I'm gonna set the Obvious Douchebag Terror Watch for Choke to a "Code Orange": there will probably be at least 5 guys in Affliction t-shirts in the theater with you if you go see this movie. Excercise moderate caution.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

You Took It Too Far

It's been a minute since we had a big, dramatic charity single, hasn't it?

What would it sound like if 15 of the hottest female singers joined voices? The answer will be revealed Sept. 2. That's when "Just Stand Up" hits airwaves and iTunes. The song features Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Fergie, Sheryl Crow and Miley Cyrus, among others.


I know it's for a good cause and all, but I dropped steadily from excited to suicidal as that list of names went on. Jesus be a pitch pipe.

Friday, August 15, 2008

As My Race Gently Weeps reports:

Hip-hop entrepreneur Percy Miller, a.k.a. Master P, is launching a family-friendly cable network, Better Black Television.

The network will provide "positive content for a black and brown culture," according to a company statement.

Positive content such as this?

Fool me once, Master P...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Douche-o-lympics

Oh really, Spain? You don't see how having your Olympic basketball team pull their eyes back to look "more Chinese" while standing on top of a giant dragon could be racist? You meant that to be "respectful"? You don't say.

I quit this bitch.

Friday, August 8, 2008

"Rachel Getting Married"

No snark here, folks. I just think I really want to see this movie.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Lil' Coop Is GANGSTA

So you've probably already heard about your (and my) boyfriend Anderson Cooper talkin' shit on Living Lohan while he was filling in for Regis on Regis & Kelly. Then Dina Lohan made a statement to OK! Magazine in response, saying it was "bad karma" for Anderson to be so "cruel."

What, you thought he was going to apologize? Ol' Silver Fox keeps it too real. Check the video.

So now, Ali's father Michael Lohan has stepped in saying:

I think Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself. He is the last person to judge anyone, when he and his own family have their own issues.

He obviously doesn't know how deep AC rolls. I could round up at least 30 girls and gays to ride on his ass TONIGHT. Watch yourself, Lohan.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Obvious Douchebag Watchlist

Now that he's recovered from surgery following a major car accident with a "female family friend," Morgan Freeman has confirmed that he and his wife of 20+ years are getting a divorce.


Having the jaws of life drag your ass out of the wreckage should been enough of a sign that God don't like ugly, Mr. Freeman. I'm just saying.

Look, all the details aren't out yet, but if it walks like a douchebag and talks like a douchebag; well, you know the rest. So I'm putting Morgan Freeman on notice. I don't give a hot damn how cute those penguins were.

Paris Hilton for President

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

It had been how long since we'd heard from this bitch? And John McCain had to go and rile her up. Nice job, gramps.

Paris Hilton released a mock-campaign video spoofing McCain's recent ads that unfavorably compared Obama to Hilton and Britney Spears (despite the fact that Paris' mom had previously donated money to McCain's campaign).

It's all fun and games now, but remember this is the same nation of douchebags that elected both Schwarzenegger and Jesse "the Body" Ventura to public office. I can't.

I'll be straight up though, nothing would make me happier than seeing White House painted pink... And her energy plan is solid... And I was hoping for a woman in the White House next year...

Maybe I'll be voting this November after all.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


I guess the answer to "now what?" is "throw myself out a fucking window."

My hatred for Maroon 5 is deep and long-standing, and I still haven't forgiven Counting Crows for desecrating "Big Yellow Taxi" with that no-talent Vanessa Carlton. I would rather eat hair than watch Douchefest '08 broadcast over my interwebs. Next.

Monday, August 4, 2008

And They Are Dead-Ass Serious

I had heard about this ad, but hadn't actually seen it till my friend Mike shot me the YouTube link tonight.

In case you were thinking this was a clever internet satire of modern American moral standards...*buzzer* WRONG. AshleyMadison (I will not link to that mess) is an actual website that hooks married people up with paramours, and this commercial really ran on television for awhile until it got pulled for, well, being slime.

Lord, I need thee every hour.

People that know me know I'm no great champion for the concept of marriage, but this is absurd. And how much did they have to pay poor Fat-Fat to play the "unfuckable broad" in this commercial? 'Cause that's all she will ever be known for now.