Flashing Lights, Indeed

Looks like Kanye got arrested for cranking that Bjork on the paps at LAX.

If you're curious and don't mind briefly dealing with the antiChrist, you can see the video over at TMZ.

Fashion Rocks; Cancer Sucks

Fashion Rocks was televised on CBS last night. If you don't know, it's basically a big concert/fashion show mashup that takes place every year and pays tribute to legendary musicians and designers.

I caught most of the show, and I will say it was pretty entertaining. It certainly kicked the crap out of the VMAs, but I've seen finger puppetry that kicked the crap out of this year's VMAs so...

The big surprise for me, though, was seeing all 3,000 women who took part in the Stand Up to Cancer charity single come onstage to perform the song "live." (Those quotation marks are for Mariah who, God love her, seemed to have no idea where she was the whole night... I blame Nick Cannon.)

Now, your guess is as good as mine why Beyoncé put that wig back on after the Etta James tribute was long over. But what I know for certain is once Miley Cyrus and Rihanna started trading bars, my soul went on home to glory.

Just keep telling yourself, "It's for a good cause. It's for a good cause."

Law and Order: Special Douchebag Unit

You don't want none.

This morning, my friend and co-worker Jen sent me what is probably the greatest news article ever written.



All these herbs and spices before 9:30AM? It's just too much.

And nothing could be more humiliating than some random guy slapping you in the face with an 8-inch sausage and then running away. (Ladies, am I right?)

Video Douchebag Awards

I don't even have the stamina to discuss the tragedy that was last night's VMAs. (Why was Pink orange? Why did that dude from Tokio Hotel look so much like Bjork circa the Vespertine tour? How did promise rings become such a hot topic? Why did they bleep the word venereal in "A Milli"? Why was Christina Aguilera/Demi Moore/Kobe Bryant/Kid Rock/Slipknot even there?)

The highlight of the night was far-and-away Kanye's closing number. And even that seemed like a financial-aid version of the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony. I'm too through.

Donny Deutschbag

If ever in my life I wanted to punch someone in the face...



Look, it's safe to say I don't like Sarah Palin. It's actually safe to say she makes me kinda violent. Whatever, she doesn't live in my apartment complex, so we're cool.

But for Donny Deutsch to say Palin "is the new feminist ideal" because she "put on a skirt" and because "women want to be her, men want to mate with her" (mate with?? --- rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham) is the single most insulting thing I've heard in I don't know how long. And I've seen every episode of I Love New York ever made.

Janice Dickinson's Douchebag Agency

I have a not-so-secret but difficult-to-defend love for Janice Dickinson...

ANYWAY

When I saw this picture of her on Jezebel, I thought, "Wow, that's probably the best she's looked in awhOH MY GOD, THOSE VEINS ON HER LEG!!"



But still, her face looks not-so-botoxy at that angle, right?

One for the Ladies

Usher is preparing a tour for ladies only.

The R&B singer revealed in a recent interview with The Associated Press that he will soon announce details of his "One Night Stand" tour. He said specific dates are still being worked out for about 15 "intimate" venues.

To go with the theme, Usher is also planning his own line of lingerie and men's undergarments.

...I can't go there with Usher right now; it's 9am.